Self Portrait as a Rejected Idea for a Tinder Profile

found poem: composed entirely out of tinder profiles found on the subreddit r/tinder

I take advice from Reddit
3/10 would not recommend.

I don’t             go to the gym.
I don’t             follow fashion.
I don’t             have an aesthetician on speed dial.

I’m very sick of pretending to be cool.
I don’t think I can go one day without complaining.

I feel like it’s inevitable that I’ll date a ventriloquist
and they’ll bring their dummy everywhere
and eventually I’ll get jealous
and make a scene in a fancy restaurant.

Sometimes, I’m funny?
Obviously, this is the joke.

I take the wrong subway constantly.
I wear socks 99.9% of the time.

That’s it. That’s my entire personality.

The Broken Nose

A week later, when I opened the freezer compartment of my fridge, I found that note, written in red lipstick.