My cousin got the hook up, even take u to Burger King afterwards.

No, my mom did not buy the glasses for me,
assholes. My grandma did.

For it was, needless to say, a time of great f———— in the nation

Did I deliver or did I de-li-ver?

I feel like it’s inevitable that I’ll date a ventriloquist...

A week later, when I opened the freezer compartment of my fridge, I found that note, written in red lipstick.