Please choose from the following menu options. Listen carefully, as our selections may have changed.
If you know your party’s extension, you may dial it at any time.
If you are calling about an existing reservation, or if you would like to make a new reservation, press nothing, your reservation is confirmed, you are already signed up, it’s going to happen, and there’s nothing you can do about it. The reservation is made.
If you are calling because you would like to cancel your reservation, press one to hear the sound of a distant, hollow laughter. There’s no turning back now. Everything is in motion.
If you are currently in the middle of your reservation and are experiencing difficulties or require assistance of any kind, press the palm of your hand to the center of your chest, feel your breath, and understand that no one is coming, that you are alone, and that this reservation is yours and nobody else’s.
If you would like to receive a call back without losing your place in line, press pound and leave a number where you can be reached. At the sound of the tone, record the message that you want to hear, speak the words you wish someone would say to you, and when you are finished recording, try to imagine what it would be like to actually feel the feelings you want to feel. Be gentle.
If you would like to make an adjustment to your reservation, if you believe that a change is somehow possible, that your choices can actually impact the trajectory of your reservation, then go ahead and press the numbers that you think will make that happen. Sure — put in the special code that makes the world become different. Take as many attempts as you would like. If it helps, press the laughter button again. It’s absolutely not going to help. But you can keep pressing it. There’s a kind of security or solace in that.
If you’re ready to face your reservation and the fact that it’s happening right now and has been for a long time, press the button that ends the call, press the button that hangs up the phone. Now look around you, at the room you are in, at these people, at their faces, and at your own hands, feel yourself here, in this moment, tethered to the ground beneath a distant, hollow sky, and then, finally, choose from the following menu options. Listen carefully, as our selections may have changed.
If you know your party’s extension, you may dial it at any time. If you know your party’s extension, we’re told you can do anything you want, no reservation. Now ask yourself if you’ve ever truly known a party’s extension. Speak an answer into your receiver.