As If

Walk as if you are kissing the ground with your feet.
— Thich Nhat Hanh

Run as if you are kissing the ground with your feet, but in an aggressive, three-beers-in way.

Sprint as if you are licking the ground’s face with your feet and the ground is like whaaaaaat is happening right now.

Eat as if food is the fires of Mount Doom, and your mouth is full of thirty-two individual determined hobbits.

Dance as if no one is watching, but know that they are, and, moreover, they are so sick of you doing the electric slide for every song — it doesn’t work for every song, they are thinking to themselves, watching you tragically dance.

Make love as if you are James Carville, your partner is Mary Matalin, and whoever orgasms first, that person’s affiliated political party wins the Presidency.

Experience profound paranoia as if you are Cat Stevens, and every other person in the entire world is a moonshadow.

Read as if words are cocaine and your eyeballs are nostrils.

Make a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch as if the turkey is your depression, the cheese is your self-loathing, and the mayo is all that unrequited love you’ve been seeking from strangers in seedy motel rooms for what feels like your whole goddamn life.

Sing as if you’re Celine Dion. Or don’t — don’t would also be fine.

Forgiving the Daisy

“We can excoriate the daisy for its wild, almost confrontational laziness, for its perfidy, but what will that ultimately yield?”

See Also Fire

“If you are prone to abject vanity, you may identify with the titles in the once-banned books department.”