Screaming the Entire Time

Selected Tweets of Molly_Kats

On Food

  • Just invented grilled cheese with pickles. It’s mine. No one else has ever done this.
  • Please don’t make me say gyro out loud.
  • I prefer beef ramen over chicken, which is why I’m unlovable.
  • Bout that time of day where I play is this heartburn or a heart attack?
  • For breakfast, I have a sensible nothing. For lunch, more sensible nothing. And for dinner, I gorge until I’m almost dead.

On Media & Technology

  • Hmm, what Netflix movies shall I watch the first 7 minutes of and then abandon tonight?
  • At dinner, people were sharing good news & my contribution was “Intervention comes back tomorrow night.”
  • I’ll Shazaam a song coming from someone else’s car, I don’t give a shit.
  • Sext: Come over. Bought a Soda Stream.

On Culture

  • “Do you want to go to a sculpture garden?” is the worst thing anyone has ever said to me.
  • I’ve been pronouncing Chloe Sevigny wrong for 16 years.
  • Why is Alex from Target happening (don’t answer me I don’t fucking care fuck off)

On Fashion

  • Been trying to coax the drawstring out of PJ pants for 20 minutes & screaming the entire time.
  • Fell in love with a dress because it has pockets.
  • My clothes are just really expensive napkins.

On Professional Life

  • Is it ho or hoe? Updating my resume.
  • A vine star is at Paris fashion week and I can’t find a job.
  • My E! True Hollywood Story would just be me trying to open a soy sauce packet.

On Wellness

  • Yoga was amazing tonight because I curled up on my mat and took a nap.
  • Oh, you have dental insurance, you fucking show off?
  • Probably wouldn’t even use the gym if I were in prison.

On Mental Health

  • Need a life coach, but only to gently coax me out of the shower during winter months.
  • A fun thing I’ve started worrying about is that my therapist doesn’t like me.

On Cars

  • When someone calls me ma’am I cry in my car.
  • Are you sad, or are you scream-singing-Voices-Carry-when-it-comes-on-while-driving sad?
  • You know when you can’t find your car in a parking lot? That’s how I feel all of the time.

On Travel

  • Instead of unpacking, light your suitcase on fire and start over as someone else.


"Things that rely on photosynthesis for lunch can easily be turned into sexual objects against their will when you put red lipstick on them and take away their clothes."