To Whom It May Concern,

Hi! I’m young, single, unemployed, and I have professional copywriting experience, and I’m ready to meet the perfect girl to spend some time with seriously or casually, and I’m looking for full-time employment with the right company that can benefit from my talents. Also have a dresser for sale.

I am an alum of Hofstra University, where I graduated with a 3.9 GPA and a degree in English and where I met my most-recent girlfriend. We went through a rocky break-up after graduation, but now I finally feel ready to get back into the dating scene and have some fun again and hopefully land a steady career as a copywriter. I am extremely professional and attentive to detail, handsome, LOVE to laugh and have fun, work well in a deadline-oriented atmosphere, very open sexually, work well as part of a team, and would love to get rid of this dresser. I can assure you that I can meet and exceed your expectations as an employee or boyfriend or sexual partner or seller of a lightly used dresser. Give me a chance and you’ll see ;}

Currently I work as a freelancer, writing copy for businesses all across the country on a contract basis, and I’ve been spending a lot of time at local singles bars. I’m having a good time and making a decent living, but I would feel more comfortable with a steady job and girlfriend and/or sexual partner and if I sold the dresser, which is taking up a lot of space.

The dimensions of the dresser are 20″D X 34″W 50″H. It is a beautiful distressed vintage piece with 3 large drawers and two small drawers at the top for jewelry or other small items. I love this dresser, but I simply do not have the space for it in my apartment. I would love to find someone who appreciates it as much as I have and is also interested in dating and/or has connections to a business that might need a copywriter.

I am not stubborn about money and am open to negotiate salary, price of the dresser, and how we split the check on any dates we might go on. We can discuss it more in person, but a $55,000-$60,000 yearly salary, $50 for the dresser and a 75/25 split on checks would be preferable.

As far as what I’m expecting — I’m not picky. I love girls of all shapes and sizes, and I adapt well in any working environment, and I have absolutely no expectations of the purchaser of the dresser. All I care about is that as a girlfriend and lover you’re honest, open, loving and loyal, and I guess as far as the workplace goes, I would love a nice break room and good benefits. Again, I’ve no expectations for the purchaser of the dresser.

I have attached my resume, a recent picture of myself, and a picture of the dresser. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you’d like to schedule an interview or meet for coffee or come check out the dresser. Hope to hear from you soon!