“Just call them Niggers. Just call them Niggers.”

                                 Baltimore City Councilman Carl Stokes’ angry response
                                to CNN interviewer Erin Burnett’s insistence on referring
                                to black rioters as thugs. CNN, 4/28/15

Coons ran amok and burned down a CVS in Baltimore.

A gun collector opened fire on an SUV killing a young Spade for playing his music too loud. “I felt threatened,” he said when asked why he had fired on the truck of college Spades.

Statistics show a sharp increase in Porch Monkey on Porch Monkey crime. The National Science Foundation is funding studies of Porch Monkey brain pathology.

Policemen in Ferguson shot an unarmed Buck in the street. Other Bucks nationwide were outraged. Investigators found a long history of violence against Bucks, but officials noted the difficulty of keeping down the Buck population.

“This market has long been ignored,” the CEO said as the world’s largest cosmetics company launched its new line for natural Jungle Bunny hair. Products will appear in Ching Chong stores late August.

A twelve year old Pickaninny was killed by law enforcement when his toy gun was mistaken as real. On social media, citizens defended the police. “Pickanninnies are dangerous.” “You can’t blame the cops for trying to defend themselves.” What do you think? Tweet us @WVNS #pickaninny.

Stopped for a traffic violation, a Shine ran because he was late on his child support payments. The officer shot him in the back, killing him. “I felt threatened,” the officer said of the fleeing Shine.

A Jigaboo has made history winning the coveted award for best actress. “I am so honored to represent all the Jigaboos who never had this opportunity,” she said. Her performance as Jezebel Jemima Brown chilled voters. “So authentic,” said one Academy member.

Tarbaby and Spearchucker, joined by several local Darky leaders, met with President Touch-of-the-Tarbrush to discuss general unrest among the Spooks as of late. Leaders are encouraging local ordinances against sagging pants and proposing new education programs to civilize the Spooks. Tarbaby and Spearchucker will oversee distribution of funds.

In foreign news, Congress voted to increase military presence in the Middle East. “We’ve got to hit them now with everything we’ve got,” said the Speaker of the House. “The Sand Nigga threat is real and growing.”