Franz Kafka’s Summer DIY Guide


4 C Cubed Seedless Watermelon
1 12 OZ Can Frozen Lemonade Concentrate
2 C Water

  1. Blend the watermelon on medium speed until smooth.
  2. Pouring through strainer into bowl, detach the watermelon from any remnants of its former self.
  3. Add bowl of watermelon to pitcher of lemonade concentrate.
  4. Mix until assimilated.
  5. Chill until cool as the frozen sea within you.



Green Twine
White Paint

  1. Adhere green twine to bottom of the jar.
  2. Paint seeds.
  3. Fill with a red beverage and reflect on the ecstasy and suffering of man, the brevity of life, whether those seeds could use a second coat.



Frozen Pie Crusts
Chocolate Bar
Beaten Egg

  1. Break the chocolate bar into single squares and lay each on the pie crust.
  2. Slice the pie crust in rectangles around the chocolate bar squares.
  3. Add top pieces of pie crust to the pie crust pieces topped with chocolate bar squares.
  4. Seal pieces together by pressing their edges to each other with a fork, so they are together, eternally, where they embrace each other as one, and hide themselves in each other, such that they are indistinguishable.
  5. Use a pastry brush to add the egg to the s’more pies. Add coarse sugar if you want. Or don’t. Such additions are meaningless in the face of death.
  6. Bake for about 20 minutes.



1 T White Beeswax Pastilles Organic
1/2 T Coconut Oil
1/8 C Freeze Dried Strawberries
1/8 C Freeze Dried Watermelons

  1. Use food processor to grind freeze dried strawberries and watermelons into a powder.
  2. Place small, glass container of ingredients in a pan of gradually boiling water that reaches near halfway up the container. Let the water simmer and stir occasionally.
  3. Pour the ingredients through a strainer into a glass container.
  4. Keep a calm gaze. Stir once after ten minutes. Accept the stillness of the mixture with the coldness of a smoothie, with the coldness of shaved ice.
  5. Let cool at room temperature until hardened as your heart.



1 Wreath
2 Packs of Paper Umbrellas

Stick paper umbrellas into wreath. Go on like this for hours—with each paper umbrella plunged into the wreath, a deeper plunge into the infinite abyss.