oh to be white, america
oh to be white america
ode to being white: america:
ode to being white america
or to be white in america
or to be white america
or to be america,
white
america^[1]

^[1] “puerto rico puerto riiiico
es mi tierra natal
no la cambio por ninguna
aunque me paguen un capital”

how far will we go to believe we will save everyone with a box of rice and beans?^[2] should i forgive myself for the cruelty i showed when i was most beaten down, clawing up the walls of my heart with an icepick? i saw over an arm that reached down to me from the edges of my chest, saw your face, a sudden burst of hot water in the winter air. the pick pierced your hand and the pick was my hand, a long nail reaching out of my flesh into yours until you were wounded. i did that because you are white and i had been living at the bottom of this heart eating the ashes of my ancestors and the children i bore in silence. i promised them a whispered vengeance. you’d been living in the outside world, seeing films, laughing, being overworked, living, paying bills.

how could i just move on?

i am sorry for the things i said when i was broken that autumn when so many of us were killed and cremated. i’m sorry i said you didn’t care, spit in the cactus, and broken a plate against my chest when you weren’t looking. i’m sorry i was afraid to burn a flag because i had nowhere to return. instead i cut across our sheets, planting red seeds in the cupboards.

^[2] arroz con pollo

she arrived three years ago
she is now married to a white man
she lives in allentown

he arrived five days ago
he is now living with a cousin
he is still looking for work

she arrived one year ago
she got a job at target
she takes pictures on the train
and wears long johns

they arrived a month ago
they broke up last week

they are depressed
they can’t remember when they arrived
they keep threatening to move back
i can live without electricity
i’ve done it before^[3]

^[3] repartiendo pastillas como chicles

not a single blue tarp in heaven^[4]

^[4] pero sobran cielos plásticos en el paraíso