Praise Kink


To be a violinist means to obey
             and I followed instructions like stepping into
the sun. Rosined my edges. Tore and blunted and bled.
             Only practiced on the days that I ate.

Everyone before me traded dreams for survival.
             Seamstresses and housekeepers. I inherited
their desire, still in its shrink wrap. I was
             so lucky. I got to be great. Couldn’t hold it

for long. Don’t play anymore these days.
             Fingers ache when it’s cold. New skin covers
my calluses, stretched like deerhide over a hollow
             drum. Tell me I’m good.



ruminations

always, there is so much / i do not want.