The handful of miles across town to a friend’s birthday party takes mighty effort. But driving to a neighboring city for sex is as arduous as walking from one room to the next. I have often wondered what kind of sense this makes, if any. I have arrived—his door, ajar; the darkness shrouding his facial features; the floor, my aching knees, it frightened me: there really is no rescue from loneliness—at a simple equation.
At around 70 miles per hour, there exists an inverse relationship between inches promised and miles disappearing like friends.
Born a minister’s son in the Deep South, Finn grew up in a rigidly religious environment struggling against social conditioning and physical abuse. Following high school, Finn also became a trained minister, suppressing his sexual identity as a gay man. After his double life fell apart, he came out of the closet and redefined his search for personal truth. These days, Finn believes that the medicine for internal healing lies within our wounds of rejection and shame. He is 44 years old, happily partnered, and is writing himself back together again. He is a sex counselor in San Francisco. Find Finn on Instagram @finndeerhart and on Bluesky @finndeerhart.bsky.social.
