ENUMERATE

“Treatment for Mood Disorders” and “Because I No Longer Want to Die”

By SHELBY PINKHAM  |  23 APR 2024

TREATMENT FOR MOOD DISORDERS
RANKED BY EFFECTIVENESS		 ADDITIONAL NOTES
Significant Systemic Changes in American Medical Treatment and Institutions 99.99% effective

Medical conditions and general outlooks regarding mental differences would need to happen alongside other serious systemic changes (e.g., reparations, wealth redistribution, prison & police abolishment, loan forgiveness).

Justice for Laquan McDonald.
Justice for Michelle Cusseaux.
Justice for Freddie Gray.
Justice for Roxanne Moore.
Justice for Charleena Lyles.
Justice for Natatasha McKenna.
Justice for Sandra Bland.
Justice for Stephon Watts.
Justice for Korryn Gaines.
Justice for Tanisha Anderson.
Justice for Walter Wallace Jr.
Justice for Deborah Danner.
Justice for Ezell Ford.
Justice for Arcadio Castillo III.
Justice for Elijah McClain.
Justice for Angelo Quinto.
Justice for James Clay.
Justice for Melissa Perez.
Justice for Jada Johnson.
Justice for Pamela Turner.
Justice for Maddie Hofmann.
Justice for Daniel Prude.
Justice for Decynthia Clements.
Justice for Michelle Shirley.
Justice for Ricardo Munoz.
Medication varied effectiveness

After starting your medications, it may take two to six weeks before you begin to notice a change in your symptoms. Mood disorders such as depression and bipolar disorder may recur or be ongoing and therefore may require long-term or lifetime treatment.

Do not stop taking your medication, even if you begin to feel better.
Do not stop taking your medication, even if you begin to feel.
Do not stop taking your medication, even if you begin.
Do not stop taking your medication.
Do not stop taking.
Do not stop.
Do not.
Therapy varied effectiveness

Only qualified health providers are trusted to share their narrative.

Never trust anyone but a medical professional.

If a medical professional is not available, have the unavailable professional call a professional. If the unavailable professional does not answer immediately, have the unavailable professional call the medical professional hotline. If the professional at the medical professional hotline puts you on hold, then please take at least one medical professional while you patiently wait for the medical professional.
Doing the Work always ineffective

Exercise, coffee, journaling, creating a to-do list, goal-setting, meal prepping, attending to what is triggering symptoms, schoolwork, counting calories, fucking your neighbor, getting a job, getting a second job, folding laundry, keeping up with physical hygiene, regular conversation with mom and dad, setting boundries, jogging in place, doing 50 crunches in the morning, 50 crunches at noon, 50 crunches in the night, 50 crunches on uelita’s grave, 50 crunches during the manic episode, taking a walk, calling the behavioral health provider, dropping the weapon, handing over the weapon, avoiding weapons, being wherever the weapons are not, being weaponless, doing the work to avoid looking like a weapon.

 

Because I No Longer Want to Die

 

(Please click on the image below and use the zoom function to read the poem. A transcript is available in the ALT text.)

because I no longer want to die I fill out endless purchase requests for the Beale library because I no longer want to die I wear a helmet riding my bike along the now-full riverbed repress because I no longer want to die I use less capital letters. they're too sharp because I no longer want to die I worry less about short attention span piss because I no longer want to die I learn that my moon is in scorpio because I no longer want to die I press down on my rind & no longer hear the hiss of rot because I no longer want to die I fantasize about being 40 because I no longer want to die I see stir sugar n & d water nudes for hummingbirds because I no longer want to die I water my anger, it becomes lush, strong-stemmed because I no longer want to die I've catalogued my generational trauma because I so recently stopped wanting to die I often say, I'm sorry what's your name again? because I no longer want to die I teach my niece to read sometimes I do want to die ah, a truth humbles me in the heart because I no longer want to die A poem keeps coming / the motion of it makes me sick / the gravity of th epoem because I no longer want to die I apply for tenure because I no longer want to die there isn't booze hidden anywhere in this poem because I no longer want to die I stretch before running but I still run at night because I no longer want to die I no longer apologize when I cry in public because I no longer want to die I've stopped misgendering myself when I look into myself I can't see the screaming thing but I hear them - her - we. there is no he here. a relief. a death. an absence. an ache. I have wailed him out. I feel that out my throat. depress sin explain the expectations to me. explain them. slower. softer. more details. tell it to me again. what is the expectation? help me make sense of girl thought.s femme desires. nb hurt. a ghost named hysteria. eldestdaughter. daddydaughter. papacita. because I no longer want to die I have forgiven myself for wanting to die

Shelby Pinkham is a Chicanx, bipolar poet from California’s Central Valley. They earned an MFA at Fresno State, where they taught composition and poetry. In 2022, they were selected for Lambda Literary’s Emerge Editorial Scholarship and fellowship at the Writer’s Retreat for Emerging LGBTQ Voices. Additionally, their book, Rx / suppressor, was named a semifinalist in Noemi’s 2022 Poetry Prize. Their writing has appeared in ANMLY, ctrl + v, Huizache, and Honey Literary.

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