Christine Grimaldi (she/her) is a Washington, D.C.-based nonfiction writer, abortion journalist, and podcast host. Her essays and longform narratives have been featured in The Atavist Magazine, the Los Angeles Review of Books, The Washington Post, DAME Magazine, The Flytrap, The Toast, and many other publications. She co-hosts the hit media and politics podcast “Cancel Me, Daddy.” She lives in the District of Columbia, on the ancestral land of the Piscataway and Anacostan (Nacotchtank) peoples, with her spouse, toddler, and pet rabbit. Christine is active on her website, www.christinegrimaldi.com, and on Bluesky: @‌YourOmbudsmom.bsky.social.

VISIT WWW.CHRISTINEGRIMALDI.COM/

ESSAY

Narrative Arc of No One’s Gumara

By CHRISTINE GRIMALDI

That he spends more time narrating what he would do to you than doing most, if any, of it is the kind of intermittent reward used to create addiction in lab rats. You are the rat.