“You need to look at the sky,” Holt is saying, taking me by the shoulders, tilting me backward, carefully, gently—so that my eyes ascend but my feet don’t slide out from under me.

There was a period about three years ago where I cried pretty often. I wasn't sad. In fact, I was my most happy. It was almost daily over podcasts, good stories, a full moon; my heart was open. I felt it all. Then I fell in love with Sam and hardly ever cried.

But seeking trans healthcare is all about telling cis gender strangers about your fragility and having them tell you it's none of their business and they're not interested in helping you.